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About presumptuous sins
There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death. (Proverbs 14:12 )
Presuming things have caused people lots of harm and heart break. Let me make it real to you;
1) Some people assumed that not wearing the seat belt is harmless, and then got hurt severely in the car that they were in.
2) Some people have assumed that they can speak anything to their spouses and get away from it, and then have been fighting nasty divorce cases instead.
3) I know of people who’ve spoken vile words to their father and that very day their father died later in the same day due to a heart attack. And now these people forever regret their harsh words.
4) Some girls and boys in have tried drugs that are very much illegal just for fun but died on their very first try. And their parents have been in grief ever since that.
The sin of King Saul:
And then we have the case of the first King of Israel Saul who presumed what he felt was right in doing and thereby rejected the whole instruction of the Lord God. And so the Prophet Samuel was sent to him to inform him of God’s punishment for the sin of presumption. You can read the whole of 1 Samuel Chapter 15 to get the details on this.
Because King Saul acted very presumptuously against the commandment of the Lord God he had to hear the following from the Prophet Samuel;
“Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices,
as in obeying the voice of the Lord?
Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice,
and to listen than the fat of rams.
For rebellion is as the sin of divination,
and presumption is as iniquity and idolatry.
Because you have rejected the word of the Lord,
he has also rejected you from being king.”
Saul said to Samuel, “I have sinned, for I have transgressed the commandment of the Lord and your words, because I feared the people and obeyed their voice. Now therefore, please pardon my sin and return with me that I may bow before the Lord.” And Samuel said to Saul, “I will not return with you. For you have rejected the word of the Lord, and the Lord has rejected you from being king over Israel.” As Samuel turned to go away, Saul seized the skirt of his robe, and it tore. And Samuel said to him, “The Lord has torn the kingdom of Israel from you this day and has given it to a neighbor of yours, who is better than you. And also the Glory of Israel will not lie or have regret, for he is not a man, that he should have regret.” (1 Samuel 15:22-29)
If you think by the coming of Jesus Christ and with the preaching of the Gospel, we need not bother about presumptuous sins, are you unfortunately in the wrong.
The Sin of Ananias and Sapphira:
You can refer to Acts 5:1-11 about The Sin of Ananias and Sapphira
A man by the name of Ananias and his wife, Sapphira, sold some land. 2 He kept back part of the money for himself. His wife knew it also. The other part he took to the missionaries. 3 Peter said to Ananias, “Why did you let Satan fill your heart? He made you lie to the Holy Spirit. You kept back part of the money you got from your land. 4 Was not the land yours before you sold it? After it was sold, you could have done what you wanted to do with the money. Why did you allow your heart to do this? You have lied to God, not to men.”
5 When Ananias heard these words, he fell down dead. Much fear came on all those who heard what was done. 6 The young men got up and covered his body and carried him out and buried him.
7 About three hours later his wife came in. She did not know what had happened.
8 Peter said to her, “Tell me, did you sell the land for this amount of money?” She said, “Yes.” 9 Then Peter said to her, “How could you two have talked together about lying to the Holy Spirit? See! Those who buried your husband are standing at the door and they will carry you out also.” 10 At once she fell down at his feet and died. When the young men came in, they found that she was dead. They took her out and buried her beside her husband. 11 Much fear came on all the church and on all who heard it.
Ananias and Sapphira presumed that they could lie to the Holy Spirit about withholding their offerings towards the ministry of the Gospel of Jesus Christ!
Why do people presume that the Holy Spirit cannot take action against those who sin against Him?
Maybe they have forgotten that each judgement that the Lord God has ever taken, be it against the Fallen Angels, Adam and Eve, the vile Pharaoh of Egypt, the Holy Spirit has never contradicted the Word of God when it comes to judgement against sin. But you O people of God, do not forget this lest you suffer the same fate as Saul or even like that of Ananias and Sapphira.
Verses for reflection:
- Keep back your servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me! Then I shall be blameless, and innocent of great transgression. (Psalm 19:13)
- Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
- Who can discern his errors? Declare me innocent from hidden faults. Keep back your servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me! Then I shall be blameless, and innocent of great transgression. (Psalm 19:12-13)
- Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance? (Romans 2:4)
- Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. (James 4:13-16)
Never rashly presume things to be holy especially when making vows in marriage
It is a snare to say rashly, “It is holy,” and to reflect only after making vows. (Proverbs 20:25)
There are people at times who rush into getting married. These rashly say they are doing what is holy since they love their soon-to-be spouse and their soon-to-be spouse loves them. And five years post marriage, there are arguments in their marriage, with the eventual divorce.
These never checked each others temperament nor adaptability before marriage. They just only “saw” love but didn’t both to check the truth. I mean the truth about being long term, even till death do them apart upon getting married. These are the one’s who make their wedding vows first and only few years later reflect if they made the right decision. “A few years later”, yes that’s correct.
Instead of checking things out before marriage they only do their assessment of marriage much later. Now not every divorce happens due to rash decisions going into marriage, there could be other things which might have not been possible to detect earlier, but I do hope you get the idea that faulty plans can get into faulty marriages.
Yet, if these couples who are thinking of divorce get Bible based counsel or just pray with sincerity to the Lord God they can save their marriages from ending into disaster.
Now, the Biblical warning mentioned above in Proverbs 20:25 is not limited to marriage vows. It can be your business decisions, various types of contracts, friendship agreements and anything that involves taking oaths, including taking the oath of speaking the truth in the court of law.
Be wise everywhere for the glory of God!
O Christian discern well before you marry
O Christian before you go for your marital union,
Check if you’d then still be in God’s communion.
Do not desire courtship with any unbeliever,
Because that one ain’t God’s grace receiver.
Even if someone claims in Christ to believe,
Make sure its not an attempt to deceive.
For many have tricked and have lied,
To get the unwitting victim to them tied.
Discern well before you marry,
Because faith in God you carry.
Discern well before you marry,
Lest you drift in a direction contrary.
Choose a spouse who is good and just,
And helps to build in Christ your trust.
Desire your beloved to be the one that prays,
That from wisdom and truth no one strays.
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Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14)
The right one
An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain… Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (Proverbs 31:10-11,30)
Anti Narcissist series – Part three (Do not marry nor date a Narcissist)
Disclaimer: I categorically state that this post never is about divorcing anyone. This is about not getting into a messy marriage in the first place and then crying out for a divorce.
There are times in life when your friends and family can tell you if you’ve got a bad friend much before you notice. This is because of something know as objectivity. While you may have a subjective opinion of your friend especially that friend whom one intends to marry, others may not view this through an emotional perspective. God forbid if one’s dating a narcissist, then one must do something to help oneself out of it. I’m talking about before the relationship deepens or even marriage occurs.
The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it. (Proverbs 22:3)
Prepare your work outside; get everything ready for yourself in the field, and after that build your house. (Proverbs 24:27)
Just a quick reminder of what a Narcissist personality type is:
1. Excessive preoccupation with or admiration of oneself.
2. A personality disorder characterized by self-preoccupation, need for admiration, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem. (source: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/narcissist)
There are people, even Christian’s who unwitting set themselves up for a nasty marriage and a more nastier divorce. Some of them after marriage or even post divorce wonder where did it all go wrong for them. Others then wonder that how could they be so foolish to trust a proud, arrogant narcissist person to be their spouse and expect kindness and sincerity in love by that person. While others who date with the intention to get married never come to getting married but are badly dumped by their narcissist fiance. These then take a lot of time trying to recover emotionally.
My solution to them if I had got to meet them earlier: “Do not marry nor date a Narcissist at all, in your entire life”.
Even for those who are yet to marry or yet to meet up their future spouse I’d say: “Never a fancy a Narcissist to be your future spouse because you will sorely hurt yourself in the long run for this”.
An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. (Proverbs 31:10-12)
Let me share with you something I learnt years ago in a church group. This will be helpful to describe a narcissist spouse to avoid. The teenagers would be warned of the “Butterfly girl”and how to not get her for marriage (they also said this may even be a ‘Butterfly boy’ depending on the situation in the sense if it’s the boy who is the narcissist and a good girl is trying to marry him). The Butterfly girl is a Narcissist to begin with. She only cares for herself. A good boy tries to woo her and marry her. She knows this well but pretends not to care. The boy keeps trying to speak nicely, takes her out for dates but that’s not good enough for her. (Tip: Never date any person whom you don’t intend to marry). She then finds faults with all his friends and says he loves his friends more than her. However, she will go with any of her friends to appear busy for him. On the other hand keeps away from his friends. Yet she doesn’t profess love back to him. He keeps running behind her and she keeps moving away from him. That’s why she’s called the Butterfly.
The Butterfly girl always blames the boy for her shortcomings. She revels in keeping the guy guessing if she’s with him or not. That’s her idea all along. Now she also excessively praises herself. In due time she finds fault with the guy’s family. And the guy is isolated even more. She will never acknowledge if she wants to continue with the guy but instead will blame the guy for not doing enough to show his interest in the relationship. In reality she is just projecting her own faults over to him.
After a lot of chasing and declarations of love by the boy, the Butterfly girl finally marries the guy who by now has isolated himself from people who might help him such as his family and friends. Even with marriage the guy is not sure if the girl loves him or not. Now once married either of the two things happen. One, the guy is emotionally drained out and can’t put up with the chase any more, so his ‘Butterfly’ wife accuses him of ‘forgetting’ his love for her. The result; an unhappy marriage. The other thing which may happen is that the guy still has some mental energy left and his Butterfly wife fully aware of it, now wants to show others how well she controls him. The result; the unwitting husband is indefinitely made to prove his love for his wife over and over again which then leads to a burnout for him. Either of the two ways, it may end up into a divorce if things get more wrong from there. But at the end of it, the Butterfly girl (now the wife) will project that she was the victim of her ‘overzealous’ husband all the time and will even cite that his abandoning of friends and family was his own fault of over protectiveness. Such is the danger of the Butterfly girl (or Butterfly boy)!
The teenagers would therefore be told that if a person whom they feel might be a suitable spouse, then they should check that person is filled with excess of pride or has an inflated ego. And if yes, then avoid that person right at the beginning by not going after them. They were also told that if the potential spouse to be may be nice to them but arrogant towards others, then that person is not the nice person they are trying portray themselves to be, so run away before it’s too late.
Don’t get married just to avoid loneliness but instead be wise enough to search and wait for the right person. Some people incorrectly only wait but do not search. It’s a wrong strategy for them, they must actually search as well. Now by search I mean you don’t first propose marriage and then go along to see if it’s going well during your courtship with your potential future spouse. Some narcissists are way too cunning. They will pretend to be very kind and loving just to keep you committed to them, while they on the inside will not share the same sentiment. So instead of blindly trying to propose someone, a wise person will first find out if the person whom they want to marry are actually worth the time and effort, and only then propose. This will save them a of tears and heartbreaks.
Prayer for those unmarried who have read this post:
I pray for all those who are intending to marry, especially those who profess the Christian faith. O Lord Jesus grant it that those who are on their way to emotional abuse and destruction are saved from trouble. Open their eyes so that they may really see. Send your Holy Spirit to guide them as they choose whom they are to marry. Let them get only the right person and be delivered from all narcissist’s no matter what the deception. I pray for the breaking of soul ties that bind N (N-name of the person) to the wrong person who is stealing their joy and hope. Be their protector and mentor and expose the dangers in advance so that they flee it. I ask this in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
Related articles:
Anti Narcissist series – Part one (Narcissism defined)
The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it. (Proverbs 22:3)
To avoid a narcissist in your life, you must first know what a narcissist is and take your actions. That’s the difference between a prudent one and those are simpletons or gullible people.
At times, I encounter to people who face issues on being in love with a narcissist. Their sufferings are odd but what’s more odd is that these people can’t seem to keep away from their narcissist fiancé whom they intend to marry. They allow themselves to be the proverbial doormat to their oppressive fiancé. Some of these despite my warnings to cease and desist from continuing with such vile ‘sweethearts’ went on with the relationship, lost a lot of their emotional and physical health. And then they came back to me saying that the fiancé now is not interested in marrying them and how to win back their fiancé. I’d then say to them, good riddance for you, now please go and thank God for this, but the people whose hearts were broken by their narcissist ‘loved’ one were still in disbelief that the break up happened. I late understood this weird attachment as a soul tie.
Narcissism is not limited to only a couple who intend to marry. It could be a vile boss, a despotic dictator, traitors, serial stalkers etc. They don’t just seem to care about whom they have to hurt, just so that it inflates their self image to the clouds.
For those who wonder as to what a Narcissist is, here are two most appropriate definitions:
1. Excessive preoccupation with or admiration of oneself.
2. A personality disorder characterized by self-preoccupation, need for admiration, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem. (source: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/narcissist)
Now for those who still don’t get my point, maybe due to fact they could be with only genuinely nice people, let me make it real to you; bad people do exist. About a few years ago, I encountered once such Narcissist. We due to some reason had to be in the same vehicle. And she kept yelling at her fiancé over the phone. Now all of a sudden she was speaking kindly to him. Initially I was not one bit interested in what she was saying, I was more bothered as to why she became polite without dropping a hint. She then told her fiance that, for two minutes they are to be off the phone and he must not call her and only after the actual time is over to call her back. This is the bit that provoked my interest. She held her mobile phone in her hand and also kept looking at her watch to see if two minutes passed by.
Her boyfriend or fiancé I suppose, called her a few seconds before the stipulated two minutes were done with. Immediately, this vile woman unloaded the worst possible insults to her boyfriend and kept asking him to apologize for calling before the two minutes were over. Even after the boyfriend once said sorry to her, she kept demanding that he keep saying sorry over and over again. Finally, she said the only sorry that she will accept is if she given a ‘treat’ of shopping for her whatever she wishes, provided the boyfriend pays the bills.
I was shocked at such behaviour. A gentleman in the same vehicle, once the girl got off, remarked as to once the girl and her fiancé get married it’s going to be an emotional riot in their marriage. I later pondered on the situation and realized that the girl was indeed a narcissist. Suppose if her boyfriend could think of how his actual future would be with her, he could either tactfully correct her or just leave her. Both ways it would set up a non oppressive future for him with her.
I believe that since the Bible warns of narcissism it didn’t do so only for the sake of our reading. It’s something we must pay attention to and also act on.
Does the Bible speak of narcissism?
– Yes it does and elaborates on narcissism very clearly. Here’s what it says:
But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. 2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, 4 treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. 6 For among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, 7 always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth. 8 Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so these men also oppose the truth, men corrupted in mind and disqualified regarding the faith. 9 But they will not get very far, for their folly will be plain to all, as was that of those two men. (2 Timothy 3:1-9)
Name a few in the Bible are known to be narcissists?
– I’ll mention four such men. Here we go:
- Gehazi
- Nebuchadnezzar
- Judas Iscariot
- Herod
God himself got these four punished in various forms and as per the degree of their sin. At times he did it through his servants on earth, at times by the angels, at times by the narcissists own actions and at times even one on one. (I’ll cover these four in detail in next post of these series) If the Lord knows how to recognize narcissists, shouldn’t we keep guard against such types? Yes, and like I mentioned we need to know what as narcissist is and then take decisive action.
Just because someone looks neat and beautiful doesn’t mean that you should say he or she is a nice person. Understand what their words and actions mean, and you’d know the kind of person they truly are.
Stop judging by mere appearances, but instead judge correctly.” (John 7:24)
Christ be with you!
Flirting while in a relationship?
Put away from you crooked speech, and put devious talk far from you. Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you. (Proverbs 4:24-25)
Once you are in a relationship for marriage or are already married to your spouse never ever flirt with anyone. It’s stupid and completely selfish for anyone be it a man or a woman to keep looking for others to flirt with even when they have an existing fiance. Knowing that we live in adulterous times, even if anyone’s fiance or spouse ‘allows’ them to flirt even then such behaviour directly is in rebellion to the Lord Jesus Christ and is never permissable for anyone who wants to remain holy. No fooling around on this one!
For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. (1 Samuel 15:23)
Don’t get married just to avoid loneliness
Until you get comfortable with being alone, you’ll never know if you’re choosing someone out of love or loneliness. (Mandy Hale)
A wrong perspective about marriage is that its labelled as a ‘cure’ to loneliness. Usually people use the following Bible verse ‘Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone (Genesis 2:18)’ to justify this. What goes wrong is when this is used to promote marriage without checking if love really exists between the marrying couple. In the case of Adam and Eve, even after they were cast out of the garden of Eden they still continued with each other as a couple. No relationship counseling and yet they didn’t separate from each other! It was their love and respect that kept them together.
It’s foolish to marry just because other’s are getting married but you’re still single. Marriage must never be out of selfishness by thinking solely about oneself but not the other person. One keep in mind that as a believer in Christ even your marriage must give glory to God every step of the way.
When hearing about impeding divorces especially the one’s called as ‘divorce by mutual consent’ I’ve observed that the couple didn’t even get the start of their marriage right. They only went for the externals like money, beauty and position in society instead of checking on internals like morals, philosophy and faith. Even the divorcing couple due to the pain of divorce start to wonder if they could have not got into their fading relationship in the first place. Without a doubt it’s vital that such a couple or any other sort of couple on the verge of divorce seeks good counsel before taking any final decision on their marriage.
With that being said, its very crucial to have true love and respect as beginning and continuing point of marriage. Why make life miserable for one’s spouse or for oneself because of coming into marriage with wrong intentions? Get your thought’s corrected before anything more bad happens. The blessings are yours to gain if you walk and think justly and in true love.
Disciples of hope 