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Use pleasant words whenever you can

All praise to the Lord Jesus the Word of God who is all wise and humble and gracious to those who seek him in spirit and in truth. Glory to the Lord God the giver of all that is eternally good and eternally enduring. Thanks be to God for sending the Holy Spirit to lead us in all truth.

As the world which is away from the truth by the Lord God above you will notice its impurity in what it speaks. The movies keep getting more and more obscene and words in them likewise. What was unacceptable about 40 years ago in the movies is passed of contemporary language these days. More worse is, when they make the children use hideous profanity on-screen. And the worldly literature or what passes off as literature, has many books and articles which contain most shallow and foul-mouthed words. And depending on the reader groups the writer’s cater to, the vile words they use can be outright rude or willfully subtle. What a fallen world indeed!

O people of the Lord God, who call yourself by the name of the Lord do not fall into the world’s slime lest you become a part of it. Stay pure for the sake of the Lord. Practice wisdom in your thoughts, words and actions, so that all people who see you give glory to the Lord, and not find an occasion to slander Jesus Christ the Son of God, on account of your bad behaviour!

Today I write about speaking words that are pleasant.  This is going to be simple but effective if you put it into practice. I break it down into three things; thoughts, words and timing.

Thoughts when speaking

The thoughts of the wicked are an abomination to the Lord, but gracious words are pure. (Proverbs 15:26)

What use is it to speak kind words to another when you have deceit in your heart? Have clear and pure thoughts that are presentable to the Lord God when you speak to anyone. For the Lord knows the heart of man. Many vile murderers and fraudsters have all the wrong thoughts though they may use pleasant words when luring their victims to death and loss. Be not like them all. Hate, pride, malice, jealousy, greed, deceit and the like are not the type of thoughts you should expect to be acceptable to the Lord God. And just imagine a seller, trying to be most polite to a prospective buyer, when trying to convince him to buy his house, but inwardly thinks the buyer is too dumb to buy the house. And then either by slip of tongue or by a gossiping servant of the seller the prospective buyer know the true mind of the seller. Then wouldn’t that buyer call off the deal before the sale is made? The seller may suffer losses financially and reputationally but what’s more dangerous is at the end of his or her life he is answerable to God.

So even before you speak pleasant words to others don’t have foolish motives but genuine respect and wisdom when doing so.

The words spoken

Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. (Proverbs 16:24)

When you have the right intentions why not speak the right words as well? Have the words that are truly acceptable in the presence of the Lord God. I can suggest a few such combinations as the following but do take due diligence and time to find more such words; thank you, please can I, that’s very kind of you, have a great day/weekend, good effort etc. There are people who have the right thoughts but fumble at speaking the right kinds of words that are actually pleasant. A word of advice to such people, God knows your heart when you speak so don’t give up on your good thoughts but please by all means do surely try to improve on the pleasant words you speak. In all humility, even if you are an adult take time to go through books or articles which suggest more gracious words. Be gracious as Jesus Christ when speaking to the poor, widows and orphans etc, for Jesus, never mocked the afflicted but spoke words kind and fully consistent with his Divine calling from the Lord’ so that people received their healing in mind, body and spirit.

So even as you speak use words that are actually pleasant and consistent with the wisdom of the Word of God.

The timing of the pleasant words

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver. Like a gold ring or an ornament of gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear. (Proverbs 25:11-12)

Doesn’t it makes sense to have the right thoughts and words when its the right time to do so, rather than the wrong time? At funerals people cry out for their deceased loves ones in deep sorrow. Indeed what grief is there especially at the death of a parent or a young baby! It’s important to express your emotions at this stage. However coming to the point, I’ve seen people speak so well of their parents, when for most part of their life, they would neglect their parents or even speak rudely to them. Such is the tragedy of life, that  these very people are filled with remorse now want to talk good but the person who they are talking about is longer with them. If only such people could  make that time to wish their parent’s all things pleasant while they were still alive. It’s important to speak pleasantly to your loved one’s all the time for you don’t generally know the time of life and death. And when talking to people who are not relatives be it co-workers, government staff etc be sensible and alert enough to speak pleasant words at the right time. Because people can find a person who is pleasant for the sake of it at the wrong time, very repulsive! It’s very risky to thank your manager for helping you avoid the mandatory overtime (due to your illness), in the middle of a meeting with a delegation of clients who take pleasure in dumping loads of work over to all. You can instead thank him or her when such demanding clients are totally away from you both, if you get what I mean.

So always speak kindly to your relatives and loved one’s and speak in due time to the rest, so that you are truly wise steward of the time your Lord God has given you.

 

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God comforts us so that we can comfort others

Control your tongue when you are bitter

“A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.” (Proverbs 15:4)

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” (Proverbs 18:21)

“Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit.” (1 Peter 3:10)

“If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.” (James 1:26)

 

For some to control one’s tongue when its pleasant all around is difficult. How much more difficult for them to keep it in check when their heart is filled with bitterness? As for the rest its still an achievement to control themselves when there is bitterness in their life.

However if we remember the words of the Bible then we should know the consequences of speaking the wrong things, the bad things and evil things. Let me make it real to you; there are considerable divorce cases going on which could have been prevented if either or both of the spouses would have not insulted each other by a very wide degree. Or there are people or children who keep running away from their parents because the parents love to speak evil words to them. Now, I don’t justify divorce nor unnecessary running away on account of such things but yes I do strongly recommend control of one’s tongue to prevent any further damage to oneself and others.

Some may say they didn’t actually mean it when they said things that were hurtful to others. That’s exactly my point. Don’t say things that you don’t mean to say in the first place and don’t make any of your emotions whether happiness or bitterness as your excuse for the same!

Make a decision this day to use your tongue more wisely. The benefits are many; better relationships, peace in your dealings with others, living clean and giving glory to God all in all. It’s up to you to control your speech but do pray to the Lord God for his healing and deliverance in this area.

 

You may pray like this:

O Lord God I ask through your Son Jesus Christ that I be holy as you are holy. Make my tongue an instrument of peace. Help me to speak words that are wise and life giving. Empower me by your Holy Spirit to not have be deceived by emotions whether they are mine or of others. In the name of Jesus, I cast out the spirit of discord and perversion of tongue from my life and totally reject the influence of all that is earthly, sensual and demonic. I pray that I be victorious in my life on the inside and the outside so that God be glorified all in all. Amen.

 

Every person can be identified by their fruits

43 “For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit, 44 for each tree is known by its own fruit. For figs are not gathered from thornbushes, nor are grapes picked from a bramble bush. 45 The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks. (Luke 6:43-45)

Every person can identified as to what they really stand for by observing their words and actions too. Inward thoughts of a person eventually show up in the way they behave sooner or later. A person who fakes his love for classical music can try to hide his intentions. But when someone asks him about Mozart or Beethoven being the latest new entrants to rap music, he might not know what to do. He might actually say yes he even heard a few of the rap concerts. That’s exactly when he can be told that these men were of the past centuries and actually had more to do with classical music than anything else. A person genuinely interested in classical music will not need to be told much. He will by himself research classical music, try to sing or play the notes on his musical instruments etc.

My point is; genuine actions follow the genuine intentions of the heart and false actions follow the false intentions of the heart. The Lord God is the greatest expert in knowing who is right and who is almost right and who is entirely wrong. He has established wisdom and counsel from of old and knows how to render to each one as per their works.

The thoughts of the righteous are just; the counsels of the wicked are deceitful.The words of the wicked lie in wait for blood, but the mouth of the upright delivers them. (Proverbs 12:5-6)

22 Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are his delight. (Proverbs 12:22)

The Holy Scriptures should be our standard by which we examine ourselves first and even others later on. Anyone willing to be humble enough to read, pray and accept the Word of God, should not find its standards too difficult to follow. We simply observe our actions and thoughts and correct them if wrong. And we continue with them if they are acceptable to the Lord. While for others and their thoughts and actions, we can be on guard from being influenced by them or correct them.

 

Anti Narcissist series – Part three (Do not marry nor date a Narcissist)

Disclaimer: I categorically state that this post never is about divorcing anyone. This is about not getting into a messy marriage in the first place and then crying out for a divorce.

 

dating a narcissist

There are times in life when your friends and family can tell you if you’ve got a bad friend much before you notice. This is because of something know as objectivity. While you may have a subjective opinion of your friend especially that friend whom one intends to marry, others may not view this through an emotional perspective. God forbid if one’s dating a narcissist, then one must do something to help oneself out of it. I’m talking about before the relationship deepens or even marriage occurs.

The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it. (Proverbs 22:3)

Prepare your work outside; get everything ready for yourself in the field, and after that build your house. (Proverbs 24:27)

Just a quick reminder of what a Narcissist personality type is:

1. Excessive preoccupation with or admiration of oneself.
2. A personality disorder characterized by self-preoccupation, need for admiration, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem. (source: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/narcissist)

There are people, even Christian’s who unwitting set themselves up for a nasty marriage and a more nastier divorce. Some of them after marriage or even post divorce wonder where did it all go wrong for them. Others then wonder that how could they be so foolish to trust a proud, arrogant narcissist person to be their spouse and expect kindness and sincerity in love by that person. While others who date with the intention to get married never come to getting married but are badly dumped by their narcissist fiance. These then take a lot of time trying to recover emotionally.

My solution to them if I had got to meet them earlier: “Do not marry nor date a Narcissist at all, in your entire life”.

Even for those who are yet to marry or yet to meet up their future spouse I’d say: “Never a fancy a Narcissist to be your future spouse because you will sorely hurt yourself in the long run for this”.

 

behaviors

anti narco

marboli

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. (Proverbs 31:10-12)

Let me share with you something I learnt years ago in a church group. This will be helpful to describe a narcissist spouse to avoid. The teenagers would be warned of the “Butterfly girl”and how to not get her for marriage (they also said this may even be a ‘Butterfly boy’ depending on the situation in the sense if it’s the boy who is the narcissist and a good girl is trying to marry him). The Butterfly girl is a Narcissist to begin with. She only cares for herself. A good boy tries to woo her and marry her. She knows this well but pretends not to care. The boy keeps trying to speak nicely, takes her out for dates but that’s not good enough for her. (Tip: Never date any person whom you don’t intend to marry). She then finds faults with all his friends and says he loves his friends more than her. However, she will go with any of her friends to appear busy for him. On the other hand keeps away from his friends. Yet she doesn’t profess love back to him. He keeps running behind her and she keeps moving away from him. That’s why she’s called the Butterfly.

french term

The Butterfly girl always blames the boy for her shortcomings. She revels in keeping the guy guessing if she’s with him or not. That’s her idea all along. Now she also excessively praises herself. In due time she finds fault with the guy’s family. And the guy is isolated even more. She will never acknowledge if she wants to continue with the guy but instead will blame the guy for not doing enough to show his interest in the relationship. In reality she is just projecting her own faults over to him.

After a lot of chasing and declarations of love by the boy, the Butterfly girl finally marries the guy who by now has isolated himself from people who might help him such as his family and friends. Even with marriage the guy is not sure if the girl loves him or not. Now once married either of the two things happen. One, the guy is emotionally drained out and can’t put up with the chase any more, so his ‘Butterfly’ wife accuses him of ‘forgetting’ his love for her. The result; an unhappy marriage. The other thing which may happen is that the guy still has some mental energy left and his Butterfly wife fully aware of it, now wants to show others how well she controls him. The result; the unwitting husband is indefinitely made to prove his love for his wife over and over again which then leads to a burnout for him. Either of the two ways, it may end up into a divorce if things get more wrong from there. But at the end of it, the Butterfly girl (now the wife) will project that she was the victim of her ‘overzealous’ husband all the time and will even cite that his abandoning of friends and family was his own fault of over protectiveness. Such is the danger of the Butterfly girl (or Butterfly boy)!

The teenagers would therefore be told that if a person whom they feel might be a suitable spouse, then they should check that person is filled with excess of pride or has an inflated ego. And if yes, then avoid that person right at the beginning by not going after them. They were also told that if the potential spouse to be may be nice to them but arrogant towards others, then that person is not the nice person they are trying portray themselves to be, so run away before it’s too late.

 

narc marriage

Don’t get married just to avoid loneliness but instead be wise enough to search and wait for the right person. Some people incorrectly only wait but do not search. It’s a wrong strategy for them, they must actually search as well. Now by search I mean you don’t first propose marriage and then go along to see if it’s going well during your courtship with your potential future spouse. Some narcissists are way too cunning. They will pretend to be very kind and loving just to keep you committed to them, while they on the inside will not share the same sentiment. So instead of blindly trying to propose someone, a wise person will first find out if the person whom they want to marry are actually worth the time and effort, and only then propose. This will save them a of tears and heartbreaks.

Prayer for those unmarried who have read this post:

I pray for all those who are intending to marry, especially those who profess the Christian faith. O Lord Jesus grant it that those who are on their way to emotional abuse and destruction are saved from trouble. Open their eyes so that they may really see. Send your Holy Spirit to guide them as they choose whom they are to marry. Let them get only the right person and be delivered from all narcissist’s no matter what the deception. I pray for the breaking of soul ties that bind N (N-name of the person) to the wrong person who is stealing their joy and hope. Be their protector and mentor and expose the dangers in advance so that they flee it. I ask this in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

 

Related articles:

Anti Narcissist series – Part one (Narcissism defined)

narciss

The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it. (Proverbs 22:3)

To avoid a narcissist in your life, you must first know what a narcissist is and take your actions. That’s the difference between a prudent one and those are simpletons or gullible people.

At times, I encounter to people who face issues on being in love with a narcissist. Their sufferings are odd but what’s more odd is that these people can’t seem to keep away from their narcissist fiancé whom they intend to marry. They allow themselves to be the proverbial doormat to their oppressive fiancé. Some of these despite my warnings to cease and desist from continuing with such vile ‘sweethearts’ went on with the relationship, lost a lot of their emotional and physical health. And then they came back to me saying that the fiancé now is not interested in marrying them and how to win back their fiancé. I’d then say to them, good riddance for you, now please go and thank God for this, but the people whose hearts were broken by their narcissist ‘loved’ one were still in disbelief that the break up happened. I late understood this weird attachment as a soul tie.

Narcissism is not limited to only a couple who intend to marry. It could be a vile boss, a despotic dictator, traitors, serial stalkers etc. They don’t just seem to care about whom they have to hurt, just so that it inflates their self image to the clouds.

For those who wonder as to what a Narcissist is, here are two most appropriate definitions:

1. Excessive preoccupation with or admiration of oneself.
2. A personality disorder characterized by self-preoccupation, need for admiration, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem. (source: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/narcissist)

Now for those who still don’t get my point, maybe due to fact they could be with only genuinely nice people, let me make it real to you; bad people do exist. About a few years ago, I encountered once such Narcissist. We due to some reason had to be in the same vehicle. And she kept yelling at her fiancé over the phone. Now all of a sudden she was speaking kindly to him. Initially I was not one bit interested in what she was saying, I was more bothered as to why she became polite without dropping a hint. She then told her fiance that, for two minutes they are to be off the phone and he must not call her and only after the actual time is over to call her back. This is the bit that provoked my interest. She held her mobile phone in her hand and also kept looking at her watch to see if two minutes passed by.

Her boyfriend or fiancé I suppose, called her a few seconds before the stipulated two minutes were done with. Immediately, this vile woman unloaded the worst possible insults to her boyfriend and kept asking him to apologize for calling before the two minutes were over. Even after the boyfriend once said sorry to her, she kept demanding that he keep saying sorry over and over again. Finally, she said the only sorry that she will accept is if she given a ‘treat’ of shopping for her whatever she wishes, provided the boyfriend pays the bills.

I was shocked at such behaviour. A gentleman in the same vehicle, once the girl got off, remarked as to once the girl and her fiancé get married it’s going to be an emotional riot in their marriage. I later pondered on the situation and realized that the girl was indeed a narcissist. Suppose if her boyfriend could think of how his actual future would be with her, he could either tactfully correct her or just leave her. Both ways it would set up a non oppressive future for him with her.

I believe that since the Bible warns of narcissism it didn’t do so only for the sake of our reading. It’s something we must pay attention to and also act on.

Does the Bible speak of narcissism?

– Yes it does and elaborates on narcissism very clearly. Here’s what it says:

But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. For among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth. Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so these men also oppose the truth, men corrupted in mind and disqualified regarding the faith. But they will not get very far, for their folly will be plain to all, as was that of those two men. (2 Timothy 3:1-9)

Name a few in the Bible are known to be narcissists?

– I’ll mention four such men. Here we go:

  1. Gehazi
  2. Nebuchadnezzar
  3. Judas Iscariot
  4. Herod

God himself got these four punished in various forms and as per the degree of their sin. At times he did it through his servants on earth, at times by the angels, at times by the narcissists own actions and at times even one on one. (I’ll cover these four in detail in next post of these series) If the Lord knows how to recognize narcissists, shouldn’t we keep guard against such types? Yes, and like I mentioned we need to know what as narcissist is and then take decisive action.

Just because someone looks neat and beautiful doesn’t mean that you should say he or she is a nice person. Understand what their words and actions mean, and you’d know the kind of person they truly are.

Stop judging by mere appearances, but instead judge correctly.” (John 7:24)

Christ be with you!

Last Christmas I gave you my heart (A Christian perspective)

You might have heard the song “Last Christmas” in the past few years. Originally it was sung by the musical duo called Wham! in 1984. In later years, even other singers have tried their luck with it. It’s very popular in most of the world. The musical score seems pleasant overall despite it having elements of a relationship gone bad. However, I do find it odd now in terms of the Bible and I’ll tell you why.

Let’s read a few of the lyrics of that song:

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart

But the very next day, you gave it away

This year, to save me from tears I

‘ll give it to someone special

So this about a love relationship between a couple gone bad. Doesn’t seem they were married yet but this was a beginning in their relationship. However, this was short and now the person whose heart got broke got a plan. To avoid the previous year’s hurt, it will be new relationship with a new person. The thing that looks weird is that of all the days in the world, they had to decide on the relationship at the time we ponder upon the Savior’s coming into the world.

No wonder, I really find this concept odd. Basically, this song tells us that instead of praying and rejoicing in remembrance of the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ this person bothered instead to propose someone for marriage. Further still, the couple had mutual acceptance of the proposal in the time when people come to celebrate at church. Were they away from church at time? Or where they too attracted to each other that they got distracted from Christ? A yes to any one of this question speaks volumes about the priority they gave to Christ.

They didn’t keep Christ first at all!

Now compare their behaviour with the follow Bible verses:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. (Matthew 6:33)

I’m not against people proposing each other for marriage legally. In fact I like seeing the boy or at times the girl, popping the relationship question at the restaurant or at the beach or just after the opera as long as its done safely. But I do not support people giving up on their prayer or worship time which only belongs to God, and then using such time to get into love relationships. Chances are they didn’t keep the Lord first at all and then in due course of time even their relationship perished. Then came sadness and heartache into their life etc.

[New edit to this post]: Radio DJ plays Wham’s Last Christmas 24 times in row after barricading himself in studio He only gave up when his own four-year-old daughter phoned in to say she didn’t like the song. I just now am doubly sure that this song’s really odd with this DJ’s foolish behavior. Read about this on the below link:

http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/tv/news/radio-dj-plays-whams-last-christmas-24-times-in-row-after-barricading-himself-inside-studio-a6781226.html

My point is that we must not like a song for the sake of liking it. We must check the context in which the song was sung. A pleasant feeling music video may not always be sinful but it may not always be good either. One needs to meditate on the Holy Scriptures all day. It doesn’t mean you have to sit and close your eyes the entire day thinking about so and so Bible verse. There may be a time you can allot for this in the day or the week. However, you have to put Christ first and remember his words whether you are at work or at play or at a party or wherever. Any book, article, song, artwork etc which keeps you entertained while going against the morally sound values of the Bible, must totally be avoided by you. Maybe you once didn’t know all this but this time do check properly on what is mere entertainment on the outside but is foolishness on the inside.

Christ be with you, always!

Proverbs 31 Bootcamp (Video)

Note: Credit for the YouTube video goes to www.hearingGod.tv ministries.

Speaking to a fool? If yes, then remember this

understanding

Whoever corrects a scoffer gets himself abuse, and he who reproves a wicked man incurs injury. (Proverbs 9:7)

Do not speak in the hearing of a fool, for he will despise the good sense of your words. (Proverbs 23:9)

Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you. (Matthew 7:6)

Stay away from people pleasing

people pleasing

As for what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and it proves unfruitful. (Matthew 13:22)

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. (Galations 1:10)

but just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts.(1 Thessalonians 2:4)

“People pleasing” is not a yoke which comes from God. The Lord’s yoke instead is light. Know the difference and don’t carry the yoke of men or women when you are never called to do that by God.

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